Adventures in Fine Dining

I know this admission may come as a shock to many of my readers, but I must confess that I am not as cultured as I pretend to be. This really hit home with my recent excursion to a fancy Boston Restaurant. There are a number of things, I just don't understand.......

1. Who decides which foods are "weird" and which foods are "cultured"? For example, most of us would consider somebody who ate raccoon to be something of a "redneck". But what makes Raccoon so bad? Is it because they are scavengers and eat garbage? Lobsters are scavengers too, and yet they are an extremely expensive food, often found in fine restaurants. In the late 80's, Boston Harbor was reknowned for being filthy. One of the contributers to this problem was a massive waste water sewer pipe that dumped right into the mouth of the harbor. The lobstermen knew that was the best spot to catch them, because they would thrive on the human waste being dumbed into the harbor. When they "cleaned up" the harbor, they built a new pipe that extends 3 miles into the sea and the lobster population was drastically reduced. So tell me, why is lobster better than Racoon? Why is that people who willingly eat goose liver will look down on people who might eat squirrel stew? Or people who spend thousands of dollars for an ounce of fish eggs think themselves better than a guy who drops a couple of bucks on Gator Jerky?

(Sidebar: If you are looking for cheap Caviar, I found a place called National Warehouse Liquidators in Revere, MA that was selling 2 oz. jars for 1.99. I can't tell you what it tastes like, though - because I decided to pass)

2. What is up with the Fake Plates (and sometimes silverware)?
When you sit down at one of these places, you are usually greated with a beautiful place setting - fancy plate, glasses,silverware etc, which is almost immediately whisked away by your server. (sometimes they take it all, sometimes only the plate). What is the point of this? Are they afraid that I will be upset if I am seated at a table with no fake plate in front of me? Maybe they are afraid the table looks empty without it. If so, why whisk it away so quickly? Are they afraid I will break it? And what do they do with it? Do they just put it back in the rack waiting for the next customer? Or do they actually wash it? It's no wonder these places cost so much money. During my recent visit, I "used" 9 different plates, 18 pieces of silverware and 4 glasses (and I didn't even have any wine). A table for two would be an hours worth of dish-washing (if you did it by hand).

3. What is with the accents?
Does anybody Native to the United States work in food service anymore? I mean, I understand that when I go to McDonalds in Massachussetts that nobody speaks english - but this is because there are very few legal American citizens willing to work for what McDonalds pays - we are way too lazy and spoiled. However, I imagine that the staff of a fine dining establishment such as this one, probably do pretty well (especially considering the tip I left). I am beginning to think that these were fake accents. I think that for some reason, well-to-do people like to be served by someone with an accent - therefore the staff of these places accomodates them by faking it.

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Eating at the Top.

My sister "volunteered"* to watch all 4 kids this weekend so that my wife and I could get away for some much needed time alone. We chose to go to Boston - I know, it doesn't seem very original, but we usually go with kids, so we figured we would try to do some "adult" stuff. Friday night, we had dinner at The Top of the Hub. This is the restaurant that sits on the 52nd floor of the Prudential Tower. We had a fabulous time.

The evening started when we showed up 20 minutes early for our reservation (conveniently made online from their website). As soon as we stepped off the elevator, the maitre d' greeted us and whisked us to a table ahead of the 30 people standing in line (who had NOT made reservations).

I have often thought that I should be a restaurant critic. I love to eat, so I have all of the necessary qualifications, right? However, how many of you have ever read a restaurant review without having any idea at the end whether or not you should eat there? It seems that many restaurant reviews are written so that only chefs and other restaurant critics (i.e. failed chefs) can understand them. Therefore, in my never-ending quest to be a "selfless do-gooder" (yes I have really been called that) I will attempt to impart some USEFUL information about this restaurant.

Why would I want to go here?
The first category is what I like to call the "LUCKY FACTOR". Every man who takes his wife out to dinner for a special occasion usually only want to know one thing - "If I take her there, will I get lucky tonight?". Now, every woman has their own scale - some are pretty low maintence and any place that you don't yell your order into a speaker from your car window is probably good enough. Others are more selective, and need to be taken some place where the use of silverware is necessary. Still others may require even more sophistication. However, regardless of any standards, I can guarantee that this restaurant will meet or exceed any woman's high standards.

Rating: 10

$$$$
The second category is Cost. Normally, cost is not something a true critic really cares about, and only mentions as an afterthought at the end of a review. However, in the spirit of selfless-do-gooder-ness and attempting to provide a true service to my readers, I will discuss cost now; so that if you are a cheap bastard, you won't have to waste your time reading the rest of the article. If you are not an independantly wealthy trust-fund baby, or the CEO of Microsoft, you will probably find it a little bit on the pricey side. You won't have to take out a second mortgage or rob a bank, but you will probably have to dip into the kids college fund, or throw it on the plastic and and pay for the dinner every month for the next ten years. Seriously, the total for two of us, (no alcohol) was about the same as 2 weeks worth of groceries for the family. (if you are thinking to yourself "that's not too bad" then you haven't seen MY grocery bill.)
Rating: 67

What does the butter look like?
The next category of interest is the "Butter Shape". Everybody knows that a fancy restaurant must serve their butter in a unique shape. I don't know why, but years later, this is often the only thing that some poeple remember. Anyway, the butter is shaped like little tiny golf balls. I give them points for creativity (although baseballs would have been better), but must take some points away because in the low light when stacked on top of each other, they kind of look like some sort of art deco table decoration. A less-cultured diner may have to search for the butter patties for a while before actually discovering them - leading to the potentially emabarrasing moment when they ask their waiter for the butter and he has to point out their ignorance (note: in case you are wondering, this did NOT happen to me). Also, it still does not beat out the "Eagle" shape of the butter form the Washington-DC area Marriot I stayed in a few years back.

Rating: 6


Is the wine list good?
No Self-respecting Restaurant Critic would write a review without discussing the Wine lists. This is difficult for me as I am not really a wine connoisseur. I can't tell the difference between a $5 bottle of the cheap stuff from Cumberland Farms and an $1800 bottle of Meritage, Harlan Estate, 1991. I don't know what wines goe with what foods, I don't know what gets served chilled vs. the kind that gets served lukewarm. I DO know that you generally do not serve wine with Ice Cubes, which I think is the main source of my ignorance. I just don't trust a drink that you can't put ice cubes in. Even Coffee is acceptable to serve with ice cubes. For me, the colder the drink the better - and the best way to get it cold is to throw some ice in there. Anyway, I digress.. Being ignorant in the ways of wine, I have developed my own way of judging wine lists. There are a couple of categories. First of all, there is the wine:food ratio. This is the ratio of number of wine choices in the menu compared to the number of food items. This is important for two reasons - first of all (and the most obvious reason), a higher number means more wine choices. In addition, fewer food choices generally means that the food quality is better because the chef has more time to devote to each individual creation rather than hurriedly having to slap stuff together. Anyway, the Dinner Menu at The Top of the Hub lists 26 food choices (including appetizers) and 179 Wine choices, yeilding a wine:food ration of 6.8. This seems to me to be very good. The second category is variety. The choices range anwhere from a $7 glass of something something all the way up to an $1800 bottle of the aforementioned Meritage (whatever that is). Rating: 17

Stop jerking my chain, and tell me about the food!
Now to the meat (no pun intended) of this review. The FOOD. The food was fantastic - wanting to make the most of our experience, we chose the Chef's Tasting Menu, which is comprised of 7 courses - essentially a sampling of several different menu items.

Course 1: Sautéed Foie Gras - (Click Here if you don't know what Foie Gras is). I can honestly say this is the best I have ever had. (granted, a fairly limited sampling). The sweet glaze (I'm not sure what it was) on top, combined with the unique flavor of the Foie Gras is a culinary experience not to be missed.

Course 2: Native Lobster and Avocado Citrus Salad - The dictionary describes a salad as "A dish of raw leafy green vegetables, often tossed with pieces of other raw or cooked vegetables, fruit, cheese, or other ingredients and served with a dressing" - so I was expecting a salad with some lobster meat in it. Apparently the chef subscribes to the "anything mixed together" definition of salad (- like many of the other great salads - chicken salad, macaroni salad, egg salad, jello salad, etc.) because when this dish was served it looked like a big pile of Guacamole. And actually, that is not far off - Lobster Guacamole would be a good way to describe it. It was delicious however.

Course 3: Pan Seared Halibut (crusted with Oven Roasted Tomato and Artichoke Puree). This was my wife's favorite dish of the evening (and if we were to return, she said she would order only this) - and my second favorite. I have never tasted fish like this, and frankly my pathetic working-class vocabulary lacks the words to describe it. Let's just say it was delicious.

Course 4: Tuna Tempura (Soybean Puree, Miso Truffle Broth). The waiter, noticing my wife was pregnant informed us that the Tuna is essentially raw, and asked if she would prefer for it to be cooked. She said yes, but I chose to have it the way the chef originally intended. It was pretty good - the soybeen puree tasted a lot like very tasty mashed potatoes, and the sliver of a truffle on top was bursting with flavor. By this time, my wife was kind of full, and since Top of the Hub is not the sort of place where you ask for doggie bags, at $85 per person I wasn't about to let it go to waste. I ate hers as well. I have to say, although both plates were delicious, I preferred the cooked version.

Course 5: Grilled Tenderloin of Beef Au Poivre (Potato Strudel, wild mushroom Ragout). This was MY favorite course. I chose mine to be cooked Medium-rare - again, as the chef intended. My wife, who is not a big fan of pink (or juicy) meat chose Medium-well. With the first bite, I was in love - the meat was tender and bursting with flavor. I closed my eyes and made a little noise like, um, well anyway... (my wife actually asked me if I was ok, and when I told her I was savoring the flavor, she told me to stop it was freaking her out). Let's say that it was the best piece of beef I have ever had. Again, to my delight - my wife was STILL full, so I had to finish her course as well. Unlike the Tuna, however, if you're not squeamish, I would recommend the medium-rare version. The Potato strudel was intersting - it looked like a slice of pie with many layers of potatos cut paper-thin. For my motor-head friends, the best way to describe the way it looks is like an air filter. This was also delicious, but it was just potatoes - the beef was the real star here.

Course 6: According to the menu, this was supposed to be a "summer salad of fresh vegetables" but apparently, much like movie producers and CBS News anchors, chefs are permitted a bit of "artistic" license. The dish I was served (althought technically fitting the description of "fresh vegetables") did not appear to be like any salad I had ever been served. It consisted of a tomato slice, topped by a white thing that appeared to be a slice of an onion, but turned out to be a white beet, topped by a regular beet, with blue cheese crumbled on top and raspberry vinagarette dressing. Now, I like tomatoes, but I haven't eaten a beet since my mom forced me to as a child, and I absolutely abhor blue cheese - and even if the three things were my three favorite foods, it would have never occurred for me to put them together and call it a "salad". However, I am nothing if not a champion eater, and I was not about to be deterred. I dove in fearlessly and was pleasantly rewarded when I realized that the items blended together for a taste that was really quite pleasant. I ate the whole thing and actually considered attacking my wife's as well - which was basically untouched. I did not however - sharing a few bytes of a couple courses is one thing, but devouring the majority of two seven-course meals would be bordering on gluttony, I think.

Course 7: Dessert taster. The dessert taster was actually 4 different things - a little bit of pineapple sponge cage, a coconut something other, a white chocolate ball with whipped cream, and a rasberry something or other in a choclately shell. They were all delicious - but I'm not really much of a dessert person. I would have much preferred another slice of beef (except for the fact that I was really not very hungry by this time).

All in all, It was an interesting culinary experience. The next time, however, I will simply order the beef, perhaps with the spicy lobster soup as an appetizer, and possibly a real salad. (you know, the kind with leafy greens). My wife feels the same way, except she would order the Halibut.

Rating: 42

What was the service like?

The service was outstanding. The Waiter was very attentive, but not obtrusively so. Although I think he had OCD. My wife kept putting her water glass down apparently in the wrong place, because every time he served us a new course, he would put it back where it belonged. Those of you who are socially clueless and don't know which silverware to use for what course will be delighted to know that this situation will not present itself. For each course, your old silverware is collected and new silverware appropriate for the situation is brought out. If you accidentally get butter on your butter knife, never fear - the waiter will bring you a new one. Perhaps if you simply order an entree the waiter would get a break, but with the 7-course tasting menu, we kept the waiter busy the entire time. He earned every penny of his $50 tip.

Rating : 53

What about all the other Crap?

Some would call this "Ambiance". The restaurant is on the 52nd floor of the prudential Center - affording a magnificent vew (from our table) of the charles river and and the city of Cambridge. There is a live jazz band, which was fantastic (I don't like to listen to jazz all by itself, but I find it great for background while eating). It is not overly formal - some people were very dressed up, but most were in what you would call "business casual". There is the one odd side effect of this type of restaurant - virtually everybody in attendance is there for some sort of celebration, and so there is an abnormal amount of picture taking, but the waiters are very gracious and will be happy to take your picture for you. We joined the crowd in this respect and asked the waiter to take our picture, but I declined my daughter's request to take pictures of the food - I didn't want to make that much of a spectacle.

Rating: 29

Summary

So, to summarize - It's very expensive, but the food is good, and you'll probably get some when you get home, so it's worth it.

Average Rating: 76

p.s. If you are trying to make sense of the rating system - good luck.

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Hmmmmm...........

Check out my Random Website of the Week. I'm not one to judge, but this seems a little bit weird.....
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Congratulations Josh

Congratulations on a job well done. Good luck in Indianapolis. I'm a little hurt by the last paragraph in the article, though:

"Josh Akerberg also has five older siblings..... Colleen and Heather ...... Faith and Sarah....... Ethan Akerberg...........

Just because I'm not a show-off overachiever, doesn't mean I don't count.

Also, would it kill you to smile for a picture once in a while?

Anybody who wants to read the text of his speach click here.

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It's a beautiful sight.

Forget about Groundhog day. Every true new Englander knows that the day the equipment truck leaves Fenway park is the TRUE indicator that winter is almost over.
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Rocket stay home

So, Roger, the Red Sox are trying to get you back . Well, at first glance, this makes sense - you WERE the best pitcher in baseball last year, and as free agent, so the Sox would be foolish to not check into it. Rumor has it, however - espoused by Gerry Callahan on WEEI Tuesday morning - that they are actually making a recruitment video comprised of adoring fans begging you to return. For the life of me, I can't imagine where they are going to find these fans - they must be really young fans, or ones with extremely short attention spans. If you really care what REAL Sox fans think, let me help you - STAY HOME. We don't want you. If you are wondering why, let's review:

From 1986 - 1992, you were the King in this town. You could do no wrong. You captured the hearts of every Red Sox fan (mine included). Then you let it get to your head. For the next 4 years you rested on your laurels. You got fat and lazy, and as a result your career suffered - and with it, our beloved Red Sox. You were 40-39 with an ERA hovering around 4. But we didn't care, we still loved you. We loved you when you got drunk and got in bar fights. We sided with you against Dan Duquette when he said you were in the "twilight of your career" - even though all of the evidence supported him. Then you took all of that goodwill and pissed it away. You said you just wanted to be closer to your family in Texas, so you moved to Toronto.

If that were not bad enough, you moved to New York to play for our mortal Enemies. The last two years, however have really shown your true colors. You went to the Astros who paid you more money for one season than any other pitcher in the history of the game. On top of that, they allow you to come and go as you please. You can skip road trips if you feel like it. You don't have to show up on days when you are not pitching. You are a mercenary. You have no idea what it means to be a part of a team anymore. Its ok for the Astros, though, because you put fans in the seats. It's a good fit, because the fans don't care about the team any more than you do - they just show up on the days when you show up.

It may have taken a football team to show us the way, but we know now that it isn't superstars that matter, it's the team - a bunch of guys that work hard to make each other better - guys that are playing for more than just a paycheck - or an individual stat. Guys whose most important contribution is a single stolen base, a base hit, a bloody sock, a shot of Jack Daniels, or even a smile, a laugh, and a pat on the back in the dugout.

You are one of the greatest pitchers of all time. On the day when finally retire and get elected to the Baseball hall of fame, I will be stand up and applaud - but in 2005 I don't want you on my team. You are a mercenary - you will always do what is best for Roger Clemens and your family, and for that reason, stay away from mine.

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It's been a while

yeah, yeah, I know. It's been a while. In the true spirit of blogging I am now supposed to apologize profusely for not having posted in a few days. However, also in the true spirit of blogging, I am only supposed to post stuff when I am trying to waste time at work. Unfortunately some BAD stuff happened this week and I have not had any time to waste. I could have posted something really short, but I don't want to be one of THESE GUYS who have nothing better to do than tell you what they had for dinner last night - especially if it is something as lame as LIFE Cereal. A really good Steak, I could understand - but not cereal

What I WANT to talk about is THE STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS. If you like insipid little Romantic Comedies (i.e. "chick flicks"), especially ones that are clean enough to watch with your kids, then you will LOVE this movie. If you are MARRIED to someone who likes insipid little Romantic Comedies, then this is one that you can sit all the way through without wanting to claw your eyeballs out just so you will have something to throw at the TV. Seriously, its' not too bad. HEATHER LOCKLEAR still looks pretty good in her mid-40's, and Mike O'Malley (one of MY favorite comedic actors next to Vince Vaughn) is very funny in his small roll. Hillary Duff is - well - she's Hillary Duff - not much depth, but pretty good at playing one type of character(moody, conflicted and not very bright teenage girls), but My kids love her and she hasn't gone all Britney Spears - yet. Compared to real life, the plot is absolutely absurd, but what do you expect? Compared to other films of this genre, it's perfectly normal.

oops.... I'm starting to think that I may have accidentally watched "The Perfect Man" instead of the State of the Union Address, but that's ok - I'm pretty sure I got as much out of it as anybody else did. Call me cynical, but regardless of who is in power anymore, it seems to me that this sort of thing is little more than political grandstanding. While it used to ACTUALLY be about the State of our Nation, it now seems like it is a very long campaign speech - ESPECIALLY in an election year. I just can't stand it anymore - even when MY GUY is up there.

Maybe I am a little cynical beyond my years. Even my FATHER has referred to me as a grumpy old man - complaining about everything, etc, etc. So this year, rather than watch it while rolling my eyes, and then later rolling my eyes furiously at the democratic response, and then even later rolling my eyes in spanish at the Respuesta española democrática de Idioma (that's "Democratic Spanish Language Response" for those of you who are NOT mexican), I chose to watch a stupid chick flick instead. While saying I enjoyed myself might be a bit of a stretch, at least I can say that I did not feel like clawing my eyeballs out.

Tune in tomorrow (maybe) for my thoughts on the confirmation of Justice Alito. Or ( if you are Ted Kennedy) Justice Aliyoto.

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