what do I need YOU for?

Last night, my wife got tired of waiting for me to move the computer, so she decided to do it herself. She was delighted to discover that the plugs on the back were color coded and she was able to hook it up all by herself. I think her exact words were "As long as I keep buying Dells, I don't even you anymore." Ouch. Then I made the mistake of telling her that the color coding has been a standard for several years now, and she doesn't even have to buy a Dell. I kind of feel like I did when I went off to college and my parents were forced to figure out how the VCR worked.

If she ever learns how to catch mice, I might be in trouble.

Continued

Bad Kids? .... or Bad Parents?

The other night, while enjoying a quiet dinner with my wife (sans children), a family came into the restaurant with their three children - (I would guess ages 5-9 ). I had a feeling they were going to be trouble when the kids came in with sticks in their hands and immediately started drumming on empty tables while the family waited for the hostess to seat them. Lucky for me, they were seated in the booth immediately behind me. The mother did confiscate the drumsticks but only after I gave them a good long stare and another couple (who was seated next to them) hailed the waitress and requested to be re-seated on the other side of the restaurant.

Shortly after the sticks had been confiscated, the oldest two children apparently had some sort of disagreement because they started shrieking, screaming and SPITTING at each other. After this went on for a little while, the mother finally packed them up and hustled them out the door, much to everyone's relief. In my mind, I was commending the Mother for doing the right thing (albeit belatedly), until I looked out the window just in time to see her leading them into the ice cream shop across the street! Sure enough, they offending children came out a few minutes later holding large ice cream cones. About 20 minutes later, they entered our restaurant again, so that their parents could take them to the restrooms. Apparently, causing a huge commotion earlier made them "customers" and gave them the right to use the restrooms for the rest of the day.

Continued

Am I going crazy?

On Saturday night, my wife and I got a babysitter and went out for a rare "date". We had been seeing ads on tv for Red Lobster's Endless Shrimp promotion on TV, so the original plan was to go to Red Lobster and stuff ourselves silly. Now, being from New England, with lots of quality seafood restaurants, I have always treated red lobster like a second class citizen. But shrimp is shrimp and pretty much tastes the same no matter where you get it, and some of their shrimp dishes are pretty tasty. When we lived in Ohio, we would go once in a while whenever they run the "Endless Shrimp" promotion. The scampi is particularly good - and so is the shrimp fettucini alfredo (even though the waitress gives you a dirty look when you pick the shrimp out of the noodles and then push your plate away and ask for more).

Anyway, we set out to go to the one in Portsmouth - but we couldn't find it! Now, I know I can be forgetful sometimes, but when it comes to food, my memory is usually pretty reliable. My wife swears that there used to be one there too, so if I'm crazy, then we are both crazy. So, WAS there a Red Lobster in Portsmouth at one time? And if so, when did it go away? A quick check of the Red Lobster website shows that the closest one NOW is in Queensbury, NY.

All was not lost, however. Our backup plan was to head on down to Muddy River Smokehouse, which is always good, but while we were driving there, on a whim we decided to give The Portsmouth Gaslight Co. a try. We were not disappointed. We started out with the Clam Chowder which is different than most Clam Chowders. Different - but very tasty nonetheless. I had the ribeye, which was cooked to perfection (medium), and so tender that I started cutting it with my butter knife and didn't even notice until halfway through the meal. My wife had the lobster-stuffed haddock, which according to her was also "very good".

Continued

Observations from the morning commute

Massachussets drivers are the worst drivers in the world. I know that's not exactly news to most of you, but I think it bears repeating.

I can see clearly now I got a new windshield on my car this week. This was forced on me, because the old one had a crack in it and the inspection was due. I didn't want to have a run-in with My Wife's Friend. As usual, I was startled by what a noticeable difference between the two windshields. I cannot believe how pitted my old one was. It is like the difference between looking at the world through gagknee's glasses and having brand-new, clean ones.

Messy, even by MY standards. You cannot imagine what a mess a Large (32 oz) cup of McDonald's iced coffee makes on the floor of you car. Well, maybe you can imagine it, but I don't have to anymore, because I know.

Silver Lining The carpeting on my car floor is the exact color of McDonald's Iced Coffee. That's something, I guess.

Continued

AndyMan

For anybody who is wondering, Andy's surgery went great. Not even any apparent nausea from the anesthesia. He woke right up and asked for a cheesburger. Thanks for your prayers.

Continued

Adventures in Potty Training

As many of you may know, some of the best little-kid stories arise out of the potty-training phase. Until yesterday, here are my two favorites.

#1 - My oldest son, like all little boys has had trouble with aim, but one morning really took the cake. He came into the bathroom, stood directly in front of the toilet, then turned his back to it and promptly peed all over the sink cabinet.

#2 - My middle daughter was once standing in the living room completely naked (in the process of getting ready for bed). She started to pee on herself, and as it started trickling down her leg, got frightened at this new sensation and started running away from it. Of course, she could not get away, and all she managed to do was spray pee all over the room.

However, Yesterday there was an incident that is much better (or worse, depending on your point of view) than either of these. We were in a restaurant bathroom with my 3-year old. He pulled down his pants, faced the toilet like he was supposed to - and promptly pooped on the floor behind him.

Continued