Another (Awful) Movie Review

We were visiting the FIL* and the SMIL* on New Years eve, and we started watching Wesley Cash. Never Heard of it? yeah, neither had I - and for good reason. I knew within 30 seconds that this movie was going to wedge it's way into my "Top 5 worst movies of all time" list. I seriously cannot say enough bad stuff about this movie to do it justice, but I will try.

The video quality was awful - it looked like it was shot with a home video camera, and not one of the "good" ones that you can get at best buy for about $500 - but rather an old VHS style camera from the 80's - probably recorded over top of someobody's home movies instead of brand new tapes.

Sound quality was even worse - the FIL has a pretty decent surround sound system but the movie sounded like it was recorded on one of those old cassete recorders I had when I was about 10 years old, and then played back across a homemade tin-can-and-string "telephone". The bad audio was a blessing in disguise, though, since neither the dialouge or the soundtrack were worth listening to.

That brings me to the actors - oh, my, you cannot imagine how bad the acting was. gagknee made some home movies back in 8th grade that had much better acting. Although I do give the movie some points on the "unintentional comedy scale*" for casting Chad Mathews as the title character - a dead ringer for Ian Ziering (Beverly Hills 90210) both in looks and acting ability.

And finally - the storyline. It was totally nonsensical. The story itself was extremely weak, and It was organized in in a way that was impossible to follow chronologically (kind of like pulp fiction - but without the good acting, interesting story, good cinemetography, etc.. Actually, I should probably be shot for mentioning the two movies in the same sentence).

My FIL has this interesting "TV" which is really just a laptop projector that he projects onto an almost-blank wall in his living room. I remember thinking several times and even saying out loud at least once, that I would rather stare at the blank wall than keep watching this movie. Why did I keep watching it? Because there was nothing else to do - My FIL's house is very small and all of the other rooms were filled with my sleeping children. My choices were to watch the movie, go to bed, or sit in the bathroom. Alright, I exaggerate - I could have gone out and sat in the garage as well. Anyway, after about 35 minutes, I got lucky - The movie is organized in such a way that it shows the same scene several times. I managed to convince the IL's that there was something wrong with the DVD and it kept jumping back to the same scene, so we should just stop watching. So if you were worried about me giving away the ending, you can relax now. I never saw it.

Overall Rating: There is not enough time to type out the number of "Doh's" that would be required by my Homer Simpson Rating Scale, so I will simply use the Simpsons Comic Book Guy instead: "Worst. Movie. Ever."

*FIL - Father in Law
*SMIL - Step-Mother in Law
*"Unintentional Comedy Scale" - a total rip-off of Bill Simmons - a very funny columnist for ESPN's Page 2.